Creative Methods of a Phat Girl

When you are a Phat girl, you get creative in the ways to try to hide it.

Big clothes? check.

Sweatshirts & Sweatpants? check.

Loose shirts? check.

Holding in the stomach? check. Editor's Note: If this was an Olympic sport I would win Gold!

Spanx? check and check (if they are willing to help a sister out that day!)

Sometimes, I get very creative. I stand in front of the mirror, holding on to different areas, pulling in different directions to create optical illusions of non phat. It gives me an idea of what I would look like without it - it is just folded a different way for a little bit, to give me some kind of sick satisfaction. My favourite is looking from the side, grabbing my stomach and folding it in a way and arching my back a little bit - looks amazing. If only I could walk around like that all day, I wouldn't have to write this blog. Heck, I wouldn't have to eat healthy ever again or walk / run another step. Unfortunately, it would be so wrong on so many levels and I would still be living in denial.

Slimming mirrors are a Phat girls' best friend. When I find a slimming mirror? No work is involved, the hiding is already done. My favourite is at my best friend's house. Amazing. It is like taking an ego trip that you can get a high from. It is like all I have to do is stand there and look Fabulous. From the side, from the back, head on - absolutely incredible. Ready for my Vogue cover. No optical illusion, no adjustments of body parts, just plain old Fabulous me. I could stand there all day. In some cases, I have.

Also, I find that I make a lot of excuses as a Phat girl. Some of my personal favourites include:

"I will eat this peanut butter because it is technically protein"

"I will start working out and eating healthy on Monday" Editor's Note: This tends to last 52 consecutive Monday's on average...

"I am ok because I am not as big as her" - ya, I said it.

"This picture of me is Fabulous because you can't see my two plus chins"

"He doesn't like me because I am Phat"

"I can't do that because I am Phat"

"I wont sit in that Subway seat because I don't want to have to squeeze to fit in between those two people"

Frankly, I am tired of my own excuses and white lies I tell myself to feel ok about all of this. There are also ways you can pretend that you aren't as big as you actually are. When watching the train wreck More To Love, when the weights were posted of the girls for all to see - I saw girls that looked like they weighed a lot more than the weight posted because those girls weighed less than me. I started to question, do I look that big to other people? Is it the camera that is adding 15 - 20lbs? The funny thing is, as big and Phat as I feel sometimes, and we are always our own worse critic, I never actually thought I looked that big until that show.

Although I LOVE having my picture taken and am planning a photo shoot after I reach my goal - there have been some pictures that have made me recognize I am a lot bigger than I feel. Pictures taken in my favourite city were ruined because of how embarrassed I was that I couldn't hide the Phat or my quadruple chin.

Regardless of what I have done in the past, I am looking forward to a time when I don't have to hide, adjust or feel bad about people seeing a particular picture of me.

The worst thing ever is running into someone you haven't seen in a looonnnggg time, and you wish you looked good so you could hear them say "you look fantastic!" or start another season of my part time work where I wont be the same Phat PFF they are used to seeing.

Imagine seeing the girl that looks so hot that you don't recognize her. With her hot outfit, her gorgeous hair, and stunning face. The one that has lost 50lbs all on her own because she felt she was worth all of the pain, struggle and frustration that was in order to live her life happily, without her weight being an excuse for anything ever again. Oh ya, that girl will be me.

Blog Soon,

PFF

Pigeon Picture Love

Back phat and neck phat. This is exactly what I am dealing with right now. I feel that my neck phat is actually choking me and one day when I am laying down I will be found, laying there, choked my by own bad choices while pigeons at my window sill gawk or caw. I guess crows caw but Pigeons make another noise, actually, it is more soothing than a caw so at least I will be at peace. I digress.

This is when I just knew something had to be done, and serious changes needed to be made. Also, when I look at my hair in the mirror - I turn around like many of you to make sure my hair is just perfect position from the back and when only wearing a Fabulous bra, I notice some extra puffiness beneath the strap. Puffiness is a very delicate way of saying PHAT. I don't like the way it looks. At one point, I loved my back, my ass, my boobs, my entire body - 30 lbs ago. I was still bigger girl, but I seriously couldn't stop looking at myself, I was gorgeous! Right now, I am not that adventurous and don't feel that pretty....perhaps I wasted it all on that Phony character.

This is another thing, I LOVE posing for a camera - if you know me, or follow my Facebook you already know this. I tend to take pictures of myself and post them for everyone to see. This has not happened in a while. I actually love looking at myself. So, what I have decided is that I will have my photos done, once I reach my first goal of Fiona minus 50lbs. Professionally, perhaps like a Kate Winslet Vanity Fair pose - naked over fur with some heels on a chaise. I think that would be perfect and fabulous to hang in my apartment for anyone who visits to see! A huge fabulous 11 x 17 or much larger actually - just over my couch or on the huge wall when you first walk into my place. Hell, I will even post it on Facebook if people are willing to look at it - take a look for yourself - how Fabulous is this picture? Women pull off the Demi Moore Vanity Fair bare baby belly shots all the time - I'm not expecting a baby, but I am expecting nothing short of looking fabulous - so why not celebrate that? Those pigeons will be whistling like construction workers and gawking, not watching me slowly gasping for air due to neck phat.

Execrcise for today: taking the day off, 13km last night, 13km tomorrow night.

Blog Soon,

PFF