Big clothes? check.
Sweatshirts & Sweatpants? check.
Holding in the stomach? check. Editor's Note: If this was an Olympic sport I would win Gold!
Spanx? check and check (if they are willing to help a sister out that day!)
Sometimes, I get very creative. I stand in front of the mirror, holding on to different areas, pulling in different directions to create optical illusions of non phat. It gives me an idea of what I would look like without it - it is just folded a different way for a little bit, to give me some kind of sick satisfaction. My favourite is looking from the side, grabbing my stomach and folding it in a way and arching my back a little bit - looks amazing. If only I could walk around like that all day, I wouldn't have to write this blog. Heck, I wouldn't have to eat healthy ever again or walk / run another step. Unfortunately, it would be so wrong on so many levels and I would still be living in denial.
Slimming mirrors are a Phat girls' best friend. When I find a slimming mirror? No work is involved, the hiding is already done. My favourite is at my best friend's house. Amazing. It is like taking an ego trip that you can get a high from. It is like all I have to do is stand there and look Fabulous. From the side, from the back, head on - absolutely incredible. Ready for my Vogue cover. No optical illusion, no adjustments of body parts, just plain old Fabulous me. I could stand there all day. In some cases, I have.
"I will eat this peanut butter because it is technically protein"
"I will start working out and eating healthy on Monday" Editor's Note: This tends to last 52 consecutive Monday's on average...
"I am ok because I am not as big as her" - ya, I said it.
"This picture of me is Fabulous because you can't see my two plus chins"
"He doesn't like me because I am Phat"
"I can't do that because I am Phat"
"I wont sit in that Subway seat because I don't want to have to squeeze to fit in between those two people"
Frankly, I am tired of my own excuses and white lies I tell myself to feel ok about all of this. There are also ways you can pretend that you aren't as big as you actually are. When watching the train wreck More To Love, when the weights were posted of the girls for all to see - I saw girls that looked like they weighed a lot more than the weight posted because those girls weighed less than me. I started to question, do I look that big to other people? Is it the camera that is adding 15 - 20lbs? The funny thing is, as big and Phat as I feel sometimes, and we are always our own worse critic, I never actually thought I looked that big until that show.
Although I LOVE having my picture taken and am planning a photo shoot after I reach my goal - there have been some pictures that have made me recognize I am a lot bigger than I feel. Pictures taken in my favourite city were ruined because of how embarrassed I was that I couldn't hide the Phat or my quadruple chin.
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