Love.

Love is probably the most talked about emotion there is. To me, Love is also the most screwed up emotion there is.

Ever since I was a little girl, I remember the first Love story I learned, Cinderella. Cinderella was a kind and lovely girl was also living a somewhat tortured life acting as a maid / slave to her late Father's widow. There was news in town of a ball where a handsome and eligible Prince was searching for the love of his life. All of the single women in the town were invited. Her wicked Stepmother said she could go only if all of her chores were done on time. She gave her a list that was endless to ensure she wouldn't be able to go, but somehow she whisked through them all with time to spare. Elated, but with nothing to wear, Cinderella and her mice (remember Gus? Good old Gus) and bird friends help make a beautiful dress with bits and pieces of her Evil Stepsisters dresses with satin, beads etc. that had been left for garbage. Cinderella looked beautiful as she came down the stairs only to watch in horror as her Evil Stepsisters rip the dress off of her body taking back those pieces that "belonged" to them. Heartbroken, Cinderella is left sobbing on the floor unable to go. All of a sudden, her Fairy Godmother shows up and gets her ready for the ball with an even more fabulous dress, incredible shoes and even a horse drawn carriage. She warns Cinderella that the spell ends at midnight so she must get back before then. Cinderella arrives at the ball, unrecognizable to anyone and shares an intense and memorable dance with Prince Charming. Everyone watching is in awe of this mystery glamour puss who seems to steal the Prince's heart away immediately. Caught off guard, she realizes the time and runs out at the stroke of midnight only to leave her fabulous glass slipper on the steps for her Prince Charming to find as he chases after her. She goes back to her life, the reality of it all. The next day, searching high and low home to home, he has every single woman try on the glass slipper including Cinderella's evil Stepsisters and eventually Prince Charming is reunited with the woman he fell madly in love with from just one dance. If only I had that effect on a man. Her Stepmother and Stepsisters were shocked but satisfaction was mine! I mean uh, hers. They lived happily ever after as the story was told.

I had the Disney book version that I would refer to almost daily as a little girl and in all of the moving around through the years I somehow lost my old worn and tattered copy. Thankfully with the magic of EBay, I was able to find the exact same copy and ordered it and received it within a week. I was elated, now, at 33 years old to receive my favourite book as a child, here to read whenever I felt the urge. It is not like I would be reading it now each and every night. Although I still think her dress and shoes are fabulous and could look at those pages forever. The little girl inside of me still longs for a Prince to come and sweep me off of my feet, despite circumstance, or have a Fairy Godmother come and grant all of my own wishes, to help me escape the world I currently live in. Unfortunately, the truth is, the story ended with Happily Every After, but I didn't realize then it didn't tell me the truth about Love. Happily Ever After is a very long time, and sounds very promising to a 6 year old, even now as a 33 year old, but my judgement, personal relationship experience and divorce rate allow me to accept that it doesn't really work out that way.

Another "Cinderella" story that I love is the movie Pretty Woman, with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. One of my all time favourites. If Pretty Woman is on tv, I am mesmerized still, and I wont turn it off despite what is happening around me. I know each and every line by heart and I have probably watched it more than any other movie, ever. I think the first time I saw that movie is when I developed my love for luxury hotels which I would later form my career around. Now that is an impact. The idea that a woman down on her luck in life in Beverly Hills would give directions to a very handsome and rich man in a Lotus who would sweep her away to the Beverly Wilshire (I had the honour of staying in this hotel for 5 nights in February 2008 which was a dream come true) penthouse and hire her to be his escort for a week. Of course not the most ideal, but somehow I was moved. Vivian and Edward fell in love in those few days they spent together, despite some fear and a few misunderstandings of course, and just like Cinderella and Prince Charming, they lived happily ever after.

Maybe I am warped in my way of thinking. Feminists would be disgusted if they read this I am sure. Imagine, a woman wanting to be "rescued" by a man. I have done a lot of my own thus far without a man and I am considered to be pretty independent. I can admit, I want to be rescued and taken care of, I do. I think it would be amazing to be sitting at my desk and to have a millionaire walk in and say, "Fiona, I read your blog and I think you are an incredible writer. I like your truth, your honesty and I think you are beautiful inside and out even if you gained back the 20lbs you lost (he wouldn't say this because he would be perfect) - let me take you to New York City where we can live in a Penthouse on Park Avenue next to Mariah Carey and dine and the most fabulous restaurants this city has to offer and have four children that will go to Private School and have their own chauffeur because we are that rich. You will donate time to various charities in the city. You can shop at Saks on Fifth anytime you want and have your personal shopper do it for you if you prefer. I would also like to take you to Paris for a few months each year where you will eat at the finest restaurants and not gain a pound. Essentially, you will be able to live a life of leisure going forward. You can invite your friends to come stay anytime since we have 15 bedrooms in our Penthouse. You will be loved, romanced and have everything you have ever wanted if you choose to come with me, what is your answer?"

What do you think my decision would be at this moment in time? If you said "is she crazy? of course she would say yes!" you are wrong. Shocking, I know. Right now, at this moment, I would say no. This is what I mean when I said Love is also the most screwed up emotion there is.

"Why?" you ask? oh, because I am in love with an incredible man. I said it. I haven't even told him to his face yet. I have written it a couple of times to him, and he knows it, but I refuse to actually say it to him first. In Love. Deeply. Can't get enough of him. Passionately. Can't wait for him to get out of the shower so I can see him again in love with him. Don't get me wrong, there are stressful "I want to set you on fire" moments, but at the end of the day I can't imagine wanting to be with anyone else. Although I am a little pissed, in those Fairytales they don't really tell you about the wet towels on the floor, the cupboards being left open, the worn socks left on the couch (are they planning on walking to the laundry basket themselves?). The torn open cereal boxes, the swampy bathroom after a shower or the sports channels being on with the same sports highlights and scores morning noon and night. Leaving things on, leaving them open and making a mess after everything has been cleaned and spotless. I wonder if Cinderella had to ask Prince Charming to take out the garbage, or use these famous words: "I want you to want to help me. I want you to want to make the bed, wash the dishes or clean the bathroom. I want you to want to make my life easier." Do you think Prince Charming anticipated Cinderella's needs by preparing dinner by candlelight or cleaning the castle top to bottom? His name was "Charming" so I can only assume he had to. One can only hope.

Any woman reading this I am sure has experienced one or all of these things at one point or another, but these things were definitely not written about. I was curious just now about who actually wrote Cinderella, the version I love so much. We all know the movie, and the book, but I just found this on Wiki Answers:

"The Disney version of Cinderella is based on the version by Charles Perrault. The Disney writers had to alter the story to make a full length movie. The writers credited with writing the screenplay are Bill Peet, Erdman Penner, Ted Sears, Winston Hibler, Homer Brightman, Harry Reeves, Ken Anderson, and Joe Rinaldi."

Mmmmmmm....all men. Eight men wrote the screenplay for the Disney movie version (in which my Disney Book is based on). Interesting. I assure you if eight women wrote the story back then or even in 2010, it would be a lot different. The most significant difference is that there would never be a fabulous glass slipper left behind on steps of a ball regardless if your ride was about to turn into a pumpkin...hail a cab or something but get that damn slipper! That is just something a woman would never let happen. Especially a designer shoe, like for instance, a fabulous Red slingback peep toe Valentino or a stunning Christian Louboutin? Not a chance. I am sure there are many other changes if it were up to us, but why ruin a classic with the harshness of reality? I guess that is why it's called a Fairytale.

Back to being in Love. I have never really been in this position before. I thought I was, but wasn't. As I chat with my various girlfriends about relationships, the story is the same and I had no idea about this when I was completely single. I thought it was just me and that I was in an awful relationship that I had to get out of immediately. In my mind, I used to imagine love as what Cinderella and Vivian had taught me. My rich Prince would come along, who would sweep me off of my feet. Oh the things we would do together! A man who will do everything he can to make me happy, including cleaning the washroom, doing dishes, preparing a hot bath after a long day (which mine has actually done for me surprisingly), who would do romantic grand gestures every few days and tell me how lucky he is every single day that he has me. Leaving romantic notes with poems on my pillow, waking up early to breakfast in bed, planning romantic getaways every month, being whisked away to Paris for a weekend....Oh, and tell me that I am beautiful even when I look like ass. Every single chick flick doesn't help the cause either. I am a SUCKER. But not anymore, not now that reality has set in.

Chris Rock said it best in his stand up "Never Scared":

"If you haven't contemplated murder, you ain't been in love. If you haven't seriously thought about killing a motherfuc*er, you ain't been in love. If you haven't had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for forty-five minutes straight, you ain't been in love. If you haven't bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll their ass up in, you ain't been in love. If you haven't practiced your alibi in front of the mirror, you ain't been in love. And the only thing that's stopped you from killing this motherfuc*er was a episode of CSI "Oh man, they thorough. I better make up. They might catch my ass."

I sooooooo feel and get this, and I am sure you do too. I know my girlfriends get this. If you don't, perhaps you will at one point. Perhaps not. You may be kidding yourself or I may be completely off and messed up and in a really bad situation but I never realized how irritating, lazy and stupid men can be. Yes, a bit harsh, but let's be honest ladies! In no way am I a man-hater, I love men, always have, always will and couldn't live without them in this world - but boy oh boy do they test the nervous system. I have to say they are not very bright at times. The comforting thing is, it isn't just me, or my man - they seem to all have ideas that just don't make any sense to us as women, but it sure somehow in their twisted mind makes sense to them. Men: Women are all crazy, I get that too. I think about these women who aren't lucky enough to have fabulous girlfriends and how sad and lonely that must feel. The woman that don't have girlfriends to bounce their experiences and stories with are the ones who end up killing their husbands / boyfriends or cutting off their husband's / boyfriend's favourite appendage and throwing it in a field while driving or throwing boiling water on it while they are sleeping. I would never do these things, but I do understand how it could get to that point. Without my girlfriends, I could very well be in prison right now for reacting to something stupid that has either a. been said or b. been done by a man.

For the times that I just don't get what he is saying or doing, or can't find the sense in it - I think about a couple of stories that I have heard recently. One, I heard about a woman who went into early labour, in the rush she hadn't had a chance to pack her back for the hospital. After their baby was born she asked her husband to go home and pick up clothes and underwear for her for the duration of her stay. The husband happily went home and packed the bag. Upon his return, she goes into the bag and realizes he had packed thong underwear for her. Mmmmm. This somehow made sense to him when he was packing. He looked at the thong underwear out of allllll the underwear in her drawer and thought, this is good for my wife who just gave birth to our child. A thong. Any woman who is reading this who has given birth (because I haven't but I can still see something wrong with this) you tell me what you think. Would you want to wear a thong after giving birth? And more importantly, if any man is reading this, would that be your choice? If you could enlighten us all, please, why and how does this make sense? In all honesty, I am curious. The second, is about the guy who recently on Virgin Radio 99.9 FM entered a "Bachelor" contest and made it all the way to the final two, only to have his wife call in and ask him about it on the air. His response? He felt that it was an "interesting thing to do". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vbou-yreWB0 Take a listen and judge for yourself. To me? To my girlfriends? This does not in any way make sense, but at the same time it does because look who is doing it. Again, if a guy is reading this, enlighten us all, please, speak up!

No matter what girlfriend I chat with, they all have a similar story to the one above (luckily not the radio one) that includes bits of laziness, stupidness and downright ridiculousness. With things like this happening, how are we not suppose to react, have an opinion or get upset, agitated or angry? We are suppose to understand but all we can do is shake our heads. I am slowly learning which battles to fight and which ones to leave alone because some are just common among them that will never really change. Wet towels on the bed or dirty socks sitting on the floor beside the laundry basket....two inches away from the basket as opposed to going IN to the basket. It is like it is ingrained and I never really believed that men were that different from women until now. I thought I would be the woman who is calm and cool once I found someone to spend my time with. Certainly not the case. I am with the most calm and patient man you can imagine and I drive him to the point where murder probably seems like a viable option for him, I am certain of it.

All kidding aside, although Love is not really turning out to be the Fairytale I hoped or expected it would be and it comes with a lot of expectations such as understanding and compromise - Love has many ups as well - otherwise we wouldn't put ourselves through it. Passion is wonderful, I like that aspect for sure. At the end of the day, all we can do is Love because despite all the annoyance, frustration and irritation they cause, when we go to bed each night, they are there, with their arms wrapped around us, our head on their shoulder, comforting us and making us feel loved and cared for as we drift off to sleep...then about half an hour later left only to push each other away in irritation so we can get some real sleep.

Blog Soon,
PFF

Editor's Note:
Ya, I know. I suck. I have been trying for a month to write everything I eat and haven't succeeded. I have promised myself every Monday that I am going to start over again, but every week I fail. I know I can do it because I have done it before but yet I am not sticking to it. If I had started January 1st as planned I would be so much further along. Then it makes me want to eat more and more and not exercise. Now I have a severe deadline. Less than 60 days. Today, Monday, I have started again. A few of my friends have started Jillian Michaels, 30 day shred. I have bought it, it is still in plastic. I will do it tonight I have promised myself. I think I am too Phat for it though. I will try it because she actually says "I want you to feel like you are going to die". This is not something that I want to hear necessarily, and I am scared because of the pain she has caused my fabulous friends. That being said, with 3 of my friends doing it religiously preparing for our trip to Miami at the end of April - I have to get my ass moving. I want to feel pretty in Miami, and in general but we all know this already. There is a dress that I have that will look fabulous if lose a bit. I can wear it in Miami if all goes well. So far today I have had a Grande Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte and a strawberry blueberry parfait - 4 grams of fat. I will most likely eat a lean cuisine for dinner and will stay away from bread until we go away. No pasta, no bread, no chips, no chocolate and I will stick to it. Bread is the devil. I will start walking my 13km walk again because it is pretty mild outside and I can handle it and will start to feel better and start conditioning my body to get rid of this packed phat. Yesterday, I was in my apartment and felt the pigeons staring at me so I know its time. I woke up to find them watching as I slept, hoping and waiting for me to take my last breath only to naw on my neck and back phat. They looked so disappointed when I woke up, but too bad Pigeons I am not your meal ticket!

I don't expect you all to believe me with my previous promises and no delivery, but tomorrow, I will let you know how Jillian was to me and the rest of what I ate today. Can we say terrified of this woman? Terrified. If it wasn't hard it wouldn't be worth it I guess.

Blog tomorrow.
PFF