Ok.
So, if you have been following my blog from the beginning, you may have noticed that I have had some issues in the L.O.V.E. department. Confusion, frustration, sadness, visions of setting someone on fire and the list goes on.
Dropping the 220lbs in August should have been easy, but alas, it was not. I let the "Phony" go with comedy but truthfully I missed my friend. I wanted more. I needed more. I deserved more. He wasn't giving me what I need, and no matter how many times I tried to explain to him - he didn't seem to get it. Dropping the focus on that, allowed me to focus on myself, my blog, my weight - and most importantly my long term goal of being Fit and Fabulous. With my goal still the focus, I have been harbouring feelings and events that have happened with regards to the "Phony" until I was sure. I have been confused enough myself, with the the man that was in my dreams, to my own feelings, not knowing where I wanted to see myself. Time has revealed that through all the frustration, the drama, the outbursts, the breakdowns - this one man has shown me he is there. He is a rock. He is a man that I can count on no matter what. A man that sees me for me, accepts me for who I am, ALL of my faults and is so calm. I have no idea how to be like that myself but maybe he can try to teach me how. When I lose my mind, my patience, when I cry - he is there - holding me, telling me everything will be ok. It is so clear to me now. These are things that I have wished for in a man for years, and it is right in front of me. In the beginning, when I told him about my past that haunted me, he gave me the reaction I had wanted and hoped for from a man that I would share that extremely personal information with. He respects my strength, he is supportive, nurturing, caring, a great communicator, he tells me when I am wrong and doesn't let me push him around. He holds the door, does my dishes and shows me he cares by being there. He answers my million calls each day, asks me why, never raises his voice and has slowly opened up to me by sharing important moments with him and his family.
EVERYONE has their issues, there are issues he has, there are issues that I have and as far as I am concerned, we can work on them together.
I miss him when he is sitting beside me and I get butterflies when I know I am going to spend time with him. It isn't fake. I have tried my best to push him away every single chance I have had, and he hasn't left. He is still there, willing to care for me just the same, even more everyday. I am extremely lucky, and so is he, don't get me wrong. Who knows what the future holds, it could end tomorrow. All I know is that I will do my best to not push him away anymore and enjoy the moments I share with him instead of trying to give him an out. Editor's Note: He read "Dropping the Phony", and is still around - say much about him?
Editor's Note: To be respectful of the not so Phony, I will no longer mention him after this post.
Blog Soon,
PFF
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