Editor's Note: Forget food, I am a maneater today!
Ok. We have all been there. Or maybe its just me? I have been there so many times, I can write the manual. Actually I swear that my bible, "He's Just Not That Into You", was written because of me and the issues I have experienced over the years with men and relationships. It screamed at me as a wake up call and worked for a long long long time. I actually highlighted my copy and would refer to it often, sometimes still do to remind myself of the "Hot Foxy Lady" I am.
I think I should have done PR for the book as I referred and recommended it to so many people. What does it mean when he looks at a picture of your friends after hooking up and asks you to "hook him up" with one of them - oh, it means he is a jerk. What does it mean when he doesn't call when he says he will? He is a jerk. What does it mean when you go out on a date, and you seemingly have an amazing time, you laugh, you joke and he waits a week to call you or doesn't call at all? Oh, it means the same thing - Jerk. What does it mean when a man will not call you his girlfriend, not introduce you to his friends or family, doesn't take you out to dinner or anywhere for that matter, but claim that he cares so much about you? Oh, and is not ready to commit? That is right...jerk jerk jerk. How about one more, how about the one that lies about having season tickets to the Raptors and Leafs, but then buys tickets from you on sale because you work at the ACC and have access to tickets? uh huh....you guessed it, jerk.
I think you are getting the picture here, and perhaps where I may be going with this. Sadly, these are not examples that I have picked up from dinner conversations with friends or over a bottle of wine with an angry singles group or from the book or even a really really bad reality program on television. Guess what? I am the one that has had the pleasure of these experiences - and oh so many more. The book basically told women, especially me, what we actually already know - it was just a very friendly and funny reminder. A book alone based on my dating experience would have you in rolling on the floor laughing, or crying, at how ridiculous it has been. Keep your eyes out, it could very well be the next #1 New York Times Bestseller!
The follow up book was called "It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken" but in my case, the second would be called "It's Called a Breakup Because you are The One Before the One". For example, it has happened not once, but twice. #1 - I was dating a guy (4 months after my really really bad break up with Raptors seasons seats holder) and he had an ex fiance in his past. We dated, and I was a bit resentful since this particular man wasn't the one who had broken my heart and I wished that it was, still not over him. Anyway, I guess he had enough and ended up going back to his ex fiance, moved in together and asked her to marry him again.
#2 - I met a lovely man. The nicest guy I have ever dated. He was so nice, cute, polite, kind, caring, opened doors, a classic gentleman, everything I would want in someone - plus we could talk about anything forever. He had an ex fiance who had broken up with him breaking his heart. She came back months later, pledged her love to him and apologized for the mistake she made. He was torn for a few months and I used a great line..."you already know how it ends with her, but you don't know how it will end up with me." I guess I wasn't slick enough as he chose her and she moved back to the province. I ended up getting her a job and I even cleaned his house the night before she came home to live with him. Yes, you read correctly. They are engaged and living the dream, probably married by now. See? The one BEFORE the one. I noticed the trend, and then I ate some poutine.
Sometimes I think I am just impossible to please. I have a list of expectations, not written down or anything - but is it too much to ask for someone to open doors and not drop them on you? Or, take you out and surprise you? Or leave notes showing they care, or giving you a card on your birthday....or if dating a Chef, them buying groceries and making you dinner as a treat? On a side note, I have dated a couple of Chef's and they are indeed a different breed. One said that he had to consider me special in order for him to cook for me - needless to say, I will never know how good of Chef he actually was. The other, well, ahem *Phony* ahem. Can he just play Hockey? Nothing says man like a pair of skates, jeans and a jersey shooting the puck around with his friends or in a game - they don't even have to actually be playing hockey, holding the stick while skating around is sexy enough for me. I do love men, and hope one day for a somewhat normal and happy relationship with one of them. Although at times of desperation and irritation I have considered switching teams to make my life easier, I truly believe there is one out there for me. One that is normal. Just one. That will make me breakfast in bed or just bring me a tall non fat no foam latte in bed...how about someone like Mark Ruffalo or Eric Dane?
Right now, I think it is too much to ask. Right now, I need to look at myself and focus on being Phat, Fit & Fabulous and getting closer to my goal. Caterpillar to Super Sexy Foxy. It is just so difficult to not think about Love or Schmove since my eggs are past the age wanted in the classifieds.
Blog Soon,
PFF
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